As I look back on my short time here in Busia I can say onething; God placed me in a fight where I got my butt kicked by the enemy. A fight that for a long time I have been ashamed of and have ignored. Only recently understanding that He put me in this place well-knowing the outcome. Well knowing that He had put me in a fight He knew I could not win. And I haven't understood this until recently. To be sure I have heard of Him taking such measures to teach His children but for some reason it never had really clicked; the reality of walking through such a discipline. Here in Uganda we have met spiritual warfare and adversity numerous times and I have lost myself in a whirlwind of emotion that I finally cut off by numbing myself to my heart's state and soothing the emotions that would crop up at odd times by raging at God and giving Him a list of reasons of why He should not have put me here. I have done it, and I have done it more than I would like to count. Just recently have I admitted to myself and to God my own nakedness. Honestly told Him what He had known all along and has patiently waited for me to admit. Told Him my frustration with my sickness, with having my butt handed to me by the enemy, my frustration at His silence....my frustration with my own nakedness. For so long now have I candidly turned a blind eye to my state while my mind as been consumed with. So long in pretending that He did not see what was unfortunately so apparent to myself. That I was unprepared for what hit me and my team here in Africa has been more than apparent. Understanding that He needed me to see that so He could take me to another level of annointing is something I did not understand. The refiners fire is raging and His silence is teaching me something that I could learn no other way. Some things, most things can only be learned in the desert place, in the hard places of life. When I got here to Africa I discovered that although I could walk with God consistently and well poised at this level, I could not at the level I was now at and I would never have had the vision or the ear if He had not begun from my place of defeat, the place of brokeness, the place of nakedness. He has been so good to me and I cannot get over the patience He has had with me. As I think back to the prophecies spoken over me before I came here they all had to do with being different when I came back, of being a Trailblazer, a Warrior Bride and now as I look to where I now am at I can see that such things, such callings can only be refined in the place I now am at. I had glorious ideas of walking in these callings I did not understand the process of learning to walk in a deeper level in these callings. It cost much and He has graciously put me in a place where when I come out I can honestly state that something changed, that it is more firm than it was before, closer to His reflection than when I left. Praise His name for His discipline and grace. I can never thank Him enough.