Let me start by saying I cannot remember a day that I did not think I would grow-up to become a missionary. Me and my brother would often pierce the wilds of our living room, capturing beanie-babies, and than line them up to preach passionate sermons to them out of encyclopedias. They were always struck speechless (excuse the corny humor)! In my pre-teen and early teenage years, I gave my dear Father a list of countries I was NOT going to. To be specific, I blatantly told Him I did not particularly care for South America or the Middle East, and I quite eloquently expressed to Him the pro's of China and Africa. Trying to convince myself and Him that this girl just wasn't made for "those other countries" and succeeding at neither. Yes, I know, rather dumb, but at the time you could not have convinced me that I was not completely abandoned to His will. I was also a terrible romantic and often would go to bed dreaming of sweet suffering and coming back home to have everyone tell me how terribly holy I was. The most disgusting part is that I was totally convinced that I was completely in-love with Jesus when the entire time I was simply feeding the flames of my own self-righteousness and self-love. To make a really long story short, the Father began the process of sifting through all of these "little foxes" and my flesh quite rebelled as my spirit cheered Him on. I went through all the emotions of complete confidence in my holiness and own strength to total fear of my own incompetence, weakness, and sin. Finally I came to utter surrender in His perfect grace, and was quite blown away at the heart revelation of His own goodness to love me even in my imperfections and self-righteous character.

     After much of this refining and dying to the dream of the mission field, the Father revived it on His own in my Junior and Senior year of high school. I began to really seek His face on where and what he wanted me to do as my December graduation was fast approaching during this time. He was faithful to speak but it took me months to finally get it and piece all the dreams He gave me together. The first dream came in February of '08 with a sweet revelation of His grace, and the really funny part was that it all began in South America (although in the dream I did bring up China). On the night of my 18th birthday He gave me a very specific dream concerning the mission field, however at the time, I was to dull-witted to get it, or perhaps the Father blinded me to that particularly knowledge as He began to deal with some of the heart-issues the dream brought up. In June of 2009, I was fast approaching the time were I would be off to Bible school when He stopped me in my tracks. You know what its like when something is compelling you and you can't say why you are doing what your doing, your just, well...compelled. That is what is was like for me when I found the Novas web-page on AIM. I had never even heard of it before, but the Spirit led me there and when I read it something stirred within me. I had to run straight up to my room and for 15 minutes all I could do was weep and pray in tongues. If someone asked me why I was weeping, I couldn't have told them, but a groan came from deep within me and all I could do was weep. For three days I was in a state of giddiness. I felt like a giddy, love-sick school girl who can't contain the secret of her first love. I spent most of my day saying over and over to God, "Really, could I really do it Father. You know I am completely surrendered to Your will, but what if I could...." To say the least, by the third day my mind was having  fierce battle with my spirit and I was completely stressed. That night my mom looked me straight in the eye and she said simply, "What is the desire of your heart?" Well I knew the answer to that question without a doubt and a strange peace filled me whole being as I surrendered to the perfect will of my Father. He was very sweet to remind me of the dreams He had given me. He even sent a dear friend of the family to confirm to me that which should have never needed confirmation.

    To say the least, I am beyond excited right now and I could probably right a thousand more sweet confirmations and gentle leading's the Father has given me, but I won't bore you with all the details and just simply sum it up by saying He is very good and extremely sweet. Whether I end up in Peru, or one of the other two countries I felt led to write, I know it will be His perfect will and I can't wait to see what He has for me.